WHO DISCOVERED WHAT? WHO INVENTED WHAT?

Man discovered WOMEN and invented SEX,
Woman discovered SEX and invented HEADACHES.

Man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,
Woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.

Man discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS,
Woman discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY.

Man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,
Woman discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE.

Man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,
Woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.

Man discovered COLORS and invented PAINT,
Woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.

Man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,
Woman discovered MONEY and that's when it all got messed up.

money

NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK!

I assume the person buying the groceries is a lady...

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected the following:
a litre of milk
a carton of eggs
a carton of orange juice
a 250 gram package of bacon
a head of lettuce
a 1 kilo can of coffee.
As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
"Y…YOU MUSSHT BE SHINGLE."

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status. Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: "Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "COZSH YOU’RE MIGHTY UGLY."

ANOTHER OOOPS!!

HOW TO ARREST A TERRORIST!

This is how you arrest a terrorist. No mercy...