funny and other

LITTLE MIKE!

2009-11-05T19:04:00.000-08:00

This is soooo cute, turn up your sound, you're gonna enjoy this one!

TOPLESS BAR!

2009-10-21T05:29:00.000-07:00

This is specially for the guys who love boobs!

So what were you thinking??

SOOOO CUTE!!

2009-10-04T02:05:00.000-07:00

Cute! One of the best!I thought this was so sweet, and so innocent, I just had to share it with you all. Enjoy!
>
> The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher:-
I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in
> my own second grade classroom a few years back.

> When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a
> few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and
> usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles,
> model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that.
> And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they
> want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
>
> Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very
> outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class
> with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.
She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is Luke, my
> baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday.'
>
> 'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their
love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in
> there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'
>
> She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and
> I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are
> watching her in amazement.
>
> Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts
> saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and
> groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!'
> (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)
> My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies,
> but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man. They got
> my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her
> back against the wall.)
>
> 'And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in
> there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all
> over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread with her
> little hands mimicking water flowing away. It was too much!)
>
> 'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.
>
> They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then,
> all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff
> that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a
> lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife
> spanked him for crawling up in there.'
>
> Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned
> to her seat.
>
> I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when
> it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case
> another ' Middle wife' comes along.

HUGZZZZ!!

2009-10-02T21:13:00.000-07:00

Totally unbelievable...and soooo cute!

JUNGLE JUICE!

2009-09-23T07:31:00.002-07:00

Now this is sooo cute! This was filmed in South Africa some time ago, to be honest when I was still a little boy, (and that is long before lots of you were born) by a man with the name of Jamie Uys. I hope you have never seen it before, but if you have, please watch it again. Enjoy!

HOLD IT.

2009-09-13T09:18:00.000-07:00

Great one also!

HEY JOE!!

2009-09-04T00:37:00.000-07:00

I thought this was quite funny....

Don't laugh, sooner or later it happens to most....

GETTIN' OLD(ER)

2009-08-26T20:20:00.000-07:00

HOLD THE CAKE.

2009-07-27T04:24:00.000-07:00

Oh, you women are terrible!

GREAT FRIENDS!

2009-07-24T04:49:00.000-07:00

With friends like these, who needs enemies?!

ONE FOR THE GIRLS!

2009-07-06T21:51:00.000-07:00

I am sure all the ladies will enjoy this one, excellent!
Lesson? Never trust a woman, or should I say a cop?

THIS IS NOT A JOKE!

2009-06-19T01:06:00.000-07:00

This is no joke, it is a miracle, brilliant flying though.

PRESCRIPTION NEEDED.

2009-06-19T00:59:00.000-07:00

Poison the huband

A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said, “I would like to buy some cyanide.”The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”

The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”

The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed, “Lord have mercy!

I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband! That’s against the law!

I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”

The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.

The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied, “Well now. That’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription .

NEVER TRUST A FRIEND!

2009-06-12T21:59:00.000-07:00

Never trust, not even your best friends!

HOW DO YOU LIKE THIS ONE?

2009-06-12T21:50:00.000-07:00

Damn!
I am sure she looks sexy to someone!! Or someone lied to her.

KIDS ARE THE BEST!

2009-06-02T03:17:00.000-07:00

Kids Are Quick ____________________________________

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
____________________________________

TEACHER: John, why are you doing your maths multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
(I Love this kid)
____________________________________________

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
__________________________________

TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
__________________________________________

TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
_______________________________________

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with ' I. '
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie...... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
________________________________

TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
Now, Louis, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
______________________________________

TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
______________________________

TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
___________________________________

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
__________________________________

OUR OWN DIVA!

2009-05-13T22:20:00.000-07:00

Our own Marilyn Monroe!!

SOUTH AFRICAN TOURISM WEBSITE.

2009-05-06T00:39:00.000-07:00

Don't know if I should post this, but here goes... no hard feelings... I hope. I got it as an e mail and thought it was quite funny. Enjoy, from a dark, primitive Africa.

Subject: Fun Replies to Questions on SA: Be Nice to 2010 Tourists

These questions about South Africa were posted on a South African
tourism Website and were answered by the website owner.

Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa ? I have never seen it rain
on TV, so how do the plants grow? ( UK )
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad
tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometres take lots of water...

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa ? ( Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa ? Can you send
me
a list of them in JHB, Cape Town , Knysna and Jeffrey's Bay? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in
South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific.
A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which
does not... oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday
night in Hillbrow.

Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
night
in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa ? ( France )
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female
population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa ? ( Germany )
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all
year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers.
Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from.
All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely
handled and make good pets.

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I
dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? ( USA )
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

WHO DISCOVERED WHAT? WHO INVENTED WHAT?

2009-04-28T09:42:00.000-07:00

Man discovered WOMEN and invented SEX,
Woman discovered SEX and invented HEADACHES.

Man discovered the WORD and invented CONVERSATION,
Woman discovered CONVERSATION and invented GOSSIP.

Man discovered GAMBLING and invented CARDS,
Woman discovered CARDS and invented WITCHERY.

Man discovered FRIENDSHIP and invented LOVE,
Woman discovered LOVE and invented MARRIAGE.

Man discovered AGRICULTURE and invented FOOD,
Woman discovered FOOD and invented DIET.

Man discovered COLORS and invented PAINT,
Woman discovered PAINT and invented MAKEUP.

Man discovered TRADING and invented MONEY,
Woman discovered MONEY and that's when it all got messed up.

money

NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK!

2009-04-25T02:22:00.000-07:00

I assume the person buying the groceries is a lady...

I was shopping at the local supermarket where I selected the following:
a litre of milk
a carton of eggs
a carton of orange juice
a 250 gram package of bacon
a head of lettuce
a 1 kilo can of coffee.
As I was unloading my items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind me watched as I placed the items in front of the cashier. While the cashier was ringing up the purchases, the drunk calmly stated,
"Y…YOU MUSSHT BE SHINGLE."

I was a bit startled by this proclamation, but I was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since I was indeed single. I looked at the six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about my selections that could have tipped off the drunk to my marital status. Curiosity getting the better of me, I said: "Well, you know what, you're absolutely right. But how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "COZSH YOU’RE MIGHTY UGLY."

ANOTHER OOOPS!!

2009-04-15T21:38:00.000-07:00

HOW TO ARREST A TERRORIST!

2009-04-04T03:28:00.000-07:00

This is how you arrest a terrorist. No mercy...

ANOTHER WOMAN "DRIVER!"

2009-03-28T05:51:00.000-07:00

This is really great!!

BEWARE OF WOMAN DRIVERS!

2009-03-27T01:00:00.000-07:00

Yes, it is a female driving this car, and there is no camera trick involved, she drove the car out of the show room about a week after she got her driver's licence. Be afraid, be very afraid!
I sure feel sorry for the car....

HOW LONG CAN YOU HOLD YOUR BREATH?

2009-03-19T05:45:00.000-07:00