When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on
a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived
at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying
to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage
tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying
that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
GOOD ONE!
Dad: Son what are doing?
Son: Nothing Dad.
Dad: But you did that yesterday too!
Son: Yes Dad, but I never finished.
Son: Nothing Dad.
Dad: But you did that yesterday too!
Son: Yes Dad, but I never finished.
Monday, September 29, 2008
NOW THIS IS WHAT I CALL AN OPEN AND SHUT CASE!!
Your wife decides to go out with her friends on a girls night out ...
You're okay with it, because you get to watch sports all night!!!
You hear her stumble into bed around 4am and laugh to yourself, knowing she's going to have a monster hangover....
You wake up next morning and go outside to the family Volvo, which she used last night. You sigh in relief because it's all in one piece.
You circle the car looking for dents and find none! Yay!
But then .... wait a minute....
A picture is worth a thousand words....
SCROLL DOWN!!!
:
:
:
You're okay with it, because you get to watch sports all night!!!
You hear her stumble into bed around 4am and laugh to yourself, knowing she's going to have a monster hangover....
You wake up next morning and go outside to the family Volvo, which she used last night. You sigh in relief because it's all in one piece.
You circle the car looking for dents and find none! Yay!
But then .... wait a minute....
A picture is worth a thousand words....
SCROLL DOWN!!!
:
:
:
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Rugby jokes.
Worst case of child molesting in South Africa: No, nooo, please daddy, please dont make me.....don’t make me wear the SPRINGBOK jersey!!
South African Springbok Rugby:
During yesterdays practice, the scrum machine broke through twice to score a try!!
South African Springbok Rugby:
During yesterdays practice, the scrum machine broke through twice to score a try!!
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
One specially for the ladies.
Woman's Poem
He didn't like the casserole,
And he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right,
He didn't like the stew.
I didn't mend his socks,
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer,
looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and *snotklapped him...
Like his mother used to do.
*snotklapped = smacked him so hard, whatever was in his nose, sat on his cheek.
He didn't like the casserole,
And he didn't like my cake.
He said my biscuits were too hard...
Not like his mother used to make.
I didn't perk the coffee right,
He didn't like the stew.
I didn't mend his socks,
The way his mother used to do.
I pondered for an answer,
looking for a clue.
Then I turned around and *snotklapped him...
Like his mother used to do.
*snotklapped = smacked him so hard, whatever was in his nose, sat on his cheek.
Nasty one.
> I went to the mall on Saturday, and I was in there for only
> about 5
> Minutes. When I came out there was a damn Metro cop
> writing a parking
> ticket.
>
> So I went up to him and said, "Come on, sugar..., how
> about giving a
> Girl a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the
> ticket. So I
> Called him a pencil-necked member of the Boerebond. He
> glared at me and
> Started writing another ticket for having worn tyres! So I
> called him a
> Verkrampte piece of horse-sh*t. He finished the second
> ticket and put it
> On the windscreen with the first. Then he started writing a
> third
> Ticket, for the cracked windscreen! This went on for about
> 20 minutes.
>
> The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
> "Vetgat" I screamed At
> him. Yet another ticket. "Vetgat with a
> boep-pens!" I shouted again.
> His hand wrote furiously as his neck went a deeper shade of
> purple and
> His blood pressure mounted and his breathing got heavier.
>
> I then walked off as my bus arrived....
>
> I try to have a little fun each day. It's very
> important.
>
>
>
>
>
>
> about 5
> Minutes. When I came out there was a damn Metro cop
> writing a parking
> ticket.
>
> So I went up to him and said, "Come on, sugar..., how
> about giving a
> Girl a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the
> ticket. So I
> Called him a pencil-necked member of the Boerebond. He
> glared at me and
> Started writing another ticket for having worn tyres! So I
> called him a
> Verkrampte piece of horse-sh*t. He finished the second
> ticket and put it
> On the windscreen with the first. Then he started writing a
> third
> Ticket, for the cracked windscreen! This went on for about
> 20 minutes.
>
> The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
> "Vetgat" I screamed At
> him. Yet another ticket. "Vetgat with a
> boep-pens!" I shouted again.
> His hand wrote furiously as his neck went a deeper shade of
> purple and
> His blood pressure mounted and his breathing got heavier.
>
> I then walked off as my bus arrived....
>
> I try to have a little fun each day. It's very
> important.
>
>
>
>
>
>
Monday, September 22, 2008
Good ones!
Feeling useless, offended, depressed or just down, remember that you were once the fastest and most victorious little sperm out of millions!!
In the U S A they invented a new machine to catch criminals: they tested it in New York and in 5 minutes caught 500 criminals. In China in 3 minutes they caught 3500 criminals, in Mozambique in 2 minutes caught 600 criminals. They brought it to South Africa and in ONE minute the machine got stolen!!
In the U S A they invented a new machine to catch criminals: they tested it in New York and in 5 minutes caught 500 criminals. In China in 3 minutes they caught 3500 criminals, in Mozambique in 2 minutes caught 600 criminals. They brought it to South Africa and in ONE minute the machine got stolen!!
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Guts or Balls?
Guts or Balls...
There is a distinction.
We've all heard about people having guts and/or balls,
but do you really know the difference between them ?
In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
met by your wife with a broom in her hands, and having the guts
to ask: ''Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere ?''
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling
of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on
the butt and having the balls to say: ''You're next, fatty.''
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome,
since both ultimately result in death.
There is a distinction.
We've all heard about people having guts and/or balls,
but do you really know the difference between them ?
In an effort to keep you informed, the definitions are listed below:
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being
met by your wife with a broom in her hands, and having the guts
to ask: ''Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere ?''
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling
of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on
the butt and having the balls to say: ''You're next, fatty.''
I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.
Medically speaking, there is no difference in the outcome,
since both ultimately result in death.
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