Wednesday, May 6, 2009

SOUTH AFRICAN TOURISM WEBSITE.

Don't know if I should post this, but here goes... no hard feelings... I hope. I got it as an e mail and thought it was quite funny. Enjoy, from a dark, primitive Africa.

Subject: Fun Replies to Questions on SA: Be Nice to 2010 Tourists


These questions about South Africa were posted on a South African
tourism Website and were answered by the website owner.

Q: Does it ever get windy in South Africa ? I have never seen it rain
on TV, so how do the plants grow? ( UK )
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching
them die.

Q: Will I be able to see elephants in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Durban to Cape Town - can I follow the railroad
tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only two thousand kilometres take lots of water...

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in South Africa ? ( Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in South Africa ? Can you send
me
a list of them in JHB, Cape Town , Knysna and Jeffrey's Bay? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about Koala Bear racing in
South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific.
A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe which
does not... oh forget it. Sure, the Koala Bear racing is every Tuesday
night in Hillbrow.

Come naked.

Q: Which direction is north in South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here
and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into South Africa ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which
is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday
night
in Hillbrow, straight after the Koala Bear races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in South Africa ? ( France )
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can
you tell me where I can sell it in South Africa ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in South Africa where the female
population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in South Africa ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.

Q: Are there killer bees in South Africa ? ( Germany )
A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Cape Town and is milk available all
year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter-gatherers.
Milk is illegal.

Q: Please send a list of all doctors in South Africa who can dispense
rattlesnake serum. USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca, which is where YOU come from.
All South African snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely
handled and make good pets.

Q: I was in South Africa in 1969, and I want to contact the girl I
dated while I was staying in Hillbrow. Can you help? ( USA )
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

7 comments:

Velu said...

Haha! Some great ones there.

But then you should have also given the link of the tourism website here. That way he could have gotten some deserving credit too.

Cheers,
Velu

Colin said...

HI Velu, thanks for the comment. I hear what you are saying, only problem is, I got this as an e mail, so I never got the web site.
Thanks again.

new said...

its funny....which links u want to exchange...?

Colin said...

New, thanks for replying, i would like to add your url to my blog roll and I would like you to add my url to your blog roll please.
Thanks.

kethes said...

greetings from malaysia... nice post

Colin said...

Hi Kethes,
thanks for comment,thanks for visiting, please do so again.

south africa luxury holidays said...

It would be nice to spend luxury holidays in south Africa and have great fun.