One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.
When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The cop is happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
Later that day, a college professor comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The professor is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber opens his shop, there is a 'thank you' card and a dozen different books, such as 'How to Improve Your Business' and 'Becoming More Successful.'
Then, a Member of Parliament comes in for a haircut , and when he goes to pay his bill the barber again replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The Member of Parliament is very happy and leaves the shop.
The next morning when the barber goes to open up, there are a dozen Members of Parliament lined up waiting for a free haircut.
And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the Members of Parliament.
Vote carefully…
Monday, November 24, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Monday, October 20, 2008
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
JUST A FRIENDLY GESTURE!
At the crowded Sandton bus stop a beautiful young blonde woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus.
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't!
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, Hennie, a fris boerseun (a strong young man) from Kakamas, who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, 'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'
Hennie smiled and in his best English answered her : 'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree wiff you, but after you unzipped my fly free times, I kinda figured we was friends.'
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't!
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, Hennie, a fris boerseun (a strong young man) from Kakamas, who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, 'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!'
Hennie smiled and in his best English answered her : 'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree wiff you, but after you unzipped my fly free times, I kinda figured we was friends.'
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
A QUICK CHUCKLE!
A little boy asked his father,
'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?'
Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'
***
If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
***
First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'
Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
***
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'
The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up
'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?'
Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.'
***
If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.
***
First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!'
Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.'
***
Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.'
The blind man replies, 'If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up
IT MUST HAVE BEEN A VERY BRAVE MAN WHO WROTE THIS!
Son asked his mother the following question:
Mum, why are wedding dresses white?' The mother looks at her son and replies, 'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'
The son thanks his Mum and goes off to double-check this with his father.
'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'
The father looks at his son in surprise and TAKES him on a walkabout, he shows him the fridge and asks him what is the colour, to which the son replies : ' WHITE '.
he does the same for the dishwasher,
the washing machine,
the stove, etc etc.
Then he tells the son:
'Son, all household appliances come in white.'
Mum, why are wedding dresses white?' The mother looks at her son and replies, 'Son, this shows your friends and relatives that your bride is pure.'
The son thanks his Mum and goes off to double-check this with his father.
'Dad why are wedding dresses white?'
The father looks at his son in surprise and TAKES him on a walkabout, he shows him the fridge and asks him what is the colour, to which the son replies : ' WHITE '.
he does the same for the dishwasher,
the washing machine,
the stove, etc etc.
Then he tells the son:
'Son, all household appliances come in white.'
HOW TO MASSAGE YOUR WIFE TO MAKE HER SCREAM!
The Italian says: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream non stop for five minutes."
The Frenchman says: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special aphrodisiac oil, and then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight."
The Indian says: That's nothing. Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours."
The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked, "Two hours, phenomenal!
How did you do it to make her scream for two hours?" ...
:
:
:
:
:
The Indian: "I wiped my hands on the curtains."
The Frenchman says: "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special aphrodisiac oil, and then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight."
The Indian says: That's nothing. Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with a special butter. I caressed her entire body with the butter, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours."
The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked, "Two hours, phenomenal!
How did you do it to make her scream for two hours?" ...
:
:
:
:
:
The Indian: "I wiped my hands on the curtains."
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
F**KIN CUCKOO!!
Mick, from Dublin, appeared on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' and towards
the end of the program had already won 500,000 pounds.
You've done very well so far,' said, Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter,
but for a million pounds you've only got one lifeline left - phone a
friend. Everything is riding on this question......will you go for it?'
'Sure,' said Mick. 'I'll have a go!' 'Which of the following birds does NOT
build its own nest?'
A: Sparrow
B: Thrush
C: Magpie
D: Cuckoo
I haven't got a clue,' said Mick, 'so I'll use me last lifeline and phone
me friend Paddy back home in Dublin'. Mick called up his mate, and told him
the circumstances and repeated the question to him.
'Fookin hell, Mick!' cried Paddy. 'Dat's simple......it's a cuckoo.'
'Are you sure?'
'I'm fookin sure.' Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, 'I'll go wit
Cuckoo as me answer.' 'Is that your final answer?' asked Chris 'Dat it is,
Sir.'
There was a long - long pause, then the presenter screamed, 'Cuckoo is the
correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million pounds!'
The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.
'Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that
doesn't build it's own nest?
'Because he lives in a Fookin clock!'
the end of the program had already won 500,000 pounds.
You've done very well so far,' said, Chris Tarrant, the show's presenter,
but for a million pounds you've only got one lifeline left - phone a
friend. Everything is riding on this question......will you go for it?'
'Sure,' said Mick. 'I'll have a go!' 'Which of the following birds does NOT
build its own nest?'
A: Sparrow
B: Thrush
C: Magpie
D: Cuckoo
I haven't got a clue,' said Mick, 'so I'll use me last lifeline and phone
me friend Paddy back home in Dublin'. Mick called up his mate, and told him
the circumstances and repeated the question to him.
'Fookin hell, Mick!' cried Paddy. 'Dat's simple......it's a cuckoo.'
'Are you sure?'
'I'm fookin sure.' Mick hung up the phone and told Chris, 'I'll go wit
Cuckoo as me answer.' 'Is that your final answer?' asked Chris 'Dat it is,
Sir.'
There was a long - long pause, then the presenter screamed, 'Cuckoo is the
correct answer! Mick, you've won 1 million pounds!'
The next night, Mick invited Paddy to their local pub to buy him a drink.
'Tell me, Paddy? How in Heaven's name did you know it was da Cuckoo that
doesn't build it's own nest?
'Because he lives in a Fookin clock!'
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